Advent Journeying: Pleasing

Spiritus Abbey posted this quote from Henri Nouwen today:

For as long as you can remember,
you have been a pleaser,
depending on others to give you an identity.
You need not look at that only in a negative way.
You wanted to give your heart to others,
and you did so quickly and easily.
But now you are being asked
to let go of all of these self-made props
and trust that God is enough for you.
You must stop being a pleaser
and reclaim your identity as a free self.

Henri Nouwen and I are kindred spirits. He was a pleaser; I've been a pleaser for a long time.

I have recently realized, as he gently recognizes in this passage, that I am sufficient all on my own, and the presence of everyone else in my life is gift, rather than necessity. I don't exist to please others, even though I may want to offer my heart to others. My loyalty is to myself and to Thea who both made and inspires me.

It is odd to find my identity primarily in myself, rather than in others. And it is liberating. I think of Mary, mother of God, whose identity as a mother had nothing to do with anyone except herself and her beloved God. She didn't need Joseph to be who she was called to be; Joseph was a gift in her life.

Maybe Advent calls us to resist the temptation to be illumined by others and to behold our own, precious, God-given light.