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Hand to Hand, Mother to Daughter: Part 2 (Guest Post)

10/25/2017

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Keeley Bruner

Keeley Bruner is the mother of two daughters and a devoted, progressive member of the Disciples of Christ Church. In this three-part series, she writes of the challenge of handing on her faith in ways that mirror the best of her own religious upbringing while reflecting the ways in which her faith has matured and widened in adulthood.

In my last post, I talked about my position as an Evangelical-turned-Progressive Christian and how that helps to inform my thought process concerning conversations of faith with my daughters, currently 4 years, and 18 months old. Rather than jumping directly into what it is my husband and I do as devotional practices, I thought it might be useful to shed a little light on our motivation for doing them. I can sympathize strongly with people who desire for their children to come to their own understanding of spirituality, and so refuse to try and steer them in one direction or another, so as to avoid religious compulsion. Yet, I know that I appreciated the work my parents did in introducing me to the basics of Christian faith from a young age, and appreciate having the foundation of understanding which led me through the years before I was able to make an informed decision about my own beliefs.

In thinking about this, I am reminded of a class my husband and I attended a few years ago on Positive Discipline. For the uninitiated, this is a method of child-rearing that eschews punitive or reward measures for controlling behavior, preferring instead to cultivate a relationship of respect and understanding, along with developmentally-appropriate expectations, to achieve harmony in the home. That is neither here nor there necessarily, but I remember the first activity we did in the initial class of the series, which was to envision the sort of person we hoped our child would be at age 18, or 21, say, whenever they were an adult. Many of us shared answers like “independent,” “competent,” “creative,” “loving,” “self-reliant,” “kind,” and so on. From there, the teacher asked what sorts of things we could be doing now to facilitate the growth of those characteristics in our child(ren). If that baffles you to think about, you aren’t alone; fortunately the next 3 sessions were devoted to exactly that, and there are plenty of books around if this has piqued your curiosity. Although we aren’t talking about Positive Discipline in this particular conversation, I would like to submit that when it comes to guiding your children in a life of faith, a similar exercise is beneficial. What kind of person do you hope your child will be as an adult, in relationship to God and, more generally, matters of faith?

This is especially pertinent in light of statistics about the decreasing rates of church attendance in recent years, but I’m not someone who thinks those statistics tell the whole story. I know it’s possible to be a thoughtful, fulfilled Christian individual without attending church. However, it’s true that I would prefer my children grow up to be people who are able to find communities of faith, where they feel at home worshipping with others. I would also love for my children to honor and respect the Bible, revering it as something deeply true, if not necessarily factual. I would love for them to be open to the leading of the Holy Spirit, and to believe they were made by a God who loves them and desires their welfare. I wish for them to know, without a doubt, that they aren’t perfect but that no one asks them to be. I hope they will come to know that a life of love and respect for the person of Christ can lead to salvation from many things, not the least of which are despair, hopelessness, impotent rage, and oppressive greed. That’s not to say they will never experience these things, but I hope that these do not become a way of life, rather that they are led by the Holy Spirit into ways of peace, love, joy, wisdom, strength, and sufficiency. I desire for them to have the flexibility to question while also having strong familiarity with Christian tradition as it has been expressed across time and place. I would love them to be people who, like God, love deeply and broadly, showing kindness and fighting for the oppressed in whatever capacities they feel called, and who share generously of their resources to those less fortunate. In short, I would like to do whatever I can as a parent to help my children learn to love God and to love their neighbors, in the example of and according to the teaching of Jesus.

Although for many it may go without saying, there are a couple of essential things to do on our end, before we ever worry about actively imparting anything about faith to our children. First would be to pray for them. I have been more faithful about doing this in certain seasons of my life than others, but I have always been grateful for God’s guidance through this practice. Whether specific concerns about my daughters have been teething or sleeplessness, or troubles with friends or other adjustments that come with age, I trust that God will give me the wisdom and strength I need to love them in ways that resonate with them. In addition, it follows that our children will be more likely to be the people we hope they will become if we are striving to be role models in our own lives. Realizing that my husband and I are not perfect people, we still try to keep in mind that we are being watched, whether in regard to faith or anything else. If we want our children to be people who love unconditionally and show grace, there can be no doubt that they experience that regularly in their own home. If we want them to be grateful for and generous with their resources, they need to see us doing this in ways large and small. Prayer and modeling are perhaps the most basic, but often the most challenging aspects of raising our children in faith. But presuming we would like to draw them in more intentionally in the ways of spirituality, what are some ways to do that?
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Girl Scouts and Boy Scouts: One Mom's Comparison

10/17/2017

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The CEO of the Arizona Cactus-Pine Girl Scout Council, Tamara Woodbury, shared the following letter this evening with all the troop leaders, family members, and friends of Girl Scouts in our council regarding the move announced by Boy Scouts last week to include girl members in its ranks.
October 17, 2017
 
Dear Girl Scout Friends and Families,

Last week, the Boy Scouts announced they will begin accepting girls into their programs in 2018. The announcement has created a lot of media buzz and a multitude of conflicting opinions on this development. The biggest question, however, is how will this impact Girl Scouts.

Certainly, the Boy Scouts become another activity choice for girls and their families, adding to the Boys and Girls Clubs, 4-H, sports teams and more. 

The Boy Scouts are framing their move around families and the convenience of taking their sons and daughters to the same activity. Some girls may want to join Boy Scouts because they think Boy Scouts do more, especially outdoor adventures. Yet, according to a recent Time magazine article, "There's actually a great deal of overlap among the different badge skills, including camping, car maintenance, first aid, fitness, budgeting and even robotics." Both organizations offer strong STEM programs and each offer a high award - the Gold Award for girls and the Eagle Scout rank for boys. Some girls are drawn to the Eagle Scout rank because it's better known and seemingly more prestigious. While it may be better known, the Gold Award is actually more challenging to earn since it requires making a measurable, sustainable impact.

Yes, Girl Scouting is different. Very different. Our program is all about girls, informed by research on how best to empower girls to lead, thrive and gain skills, beginning in kindergarten. We give girls the safe space of an all-girl environment, where they are free from the gender stereotypes entrenched in our society. Girls gain confidence and build grit and leadership qualities through experiences that are girl-led and designed to encourage learning-by-doing and cooperative learning. 

Girls face unique challenges and they need support from the very beginning to build the resilience and confidence to overcome peer and media pressure. The Girl Scout program is designed and proven to change these sad statistics for girls.


  • Beginning around 6 years old, girls start thinking that boys are smarter than they are.
  • In elementary school, girls are as excited about math and science as boys, but lose interest by middle school.
  • One out of three girls say they are afraid to lead because of what others might think of them. 

A report published this past summer by the Girl Scout Research Institute, The Girl Scout Impact Study, shows that participating in Girl Scouts helps girls develop key leadership skills they need to be successful in life. Compared to their peers, Girl Scouts are more likely than non-Girl Scouts to be leaders because they:

  • Have confidence in themselves and their abilities (80 % vs. 68 %)
  • Act ethically and responsibly, with concern for others 
    (75 % vs. 59 %)
  • Seek challenges and learn from setbacks (62 % vs. 42 %)
  • Develop and maintain healthy relationships (60 % vs. 43 %)
  • Exhibit community problem solving skills (57 % vs. 28 %)
  • Take an active role in decision making (80 % vs. 51 %) 

In short, Girl Scouting works. As CEO of this council for more than 20 years, I have seen the impact our program makes in the lives of girls. 

I continue to strongly believe that Girl Scouts is THE best leadership program for girls. We know the unique needs of girls and the work required to overcome the gender bias and gender gaps that exist in every facet of business and society.

Please share your Girl Scout stories and how you've seen Girl Scouts build girls into confident leaders. Thank you for all you do, each and every day, to help make the world a better place.
 
With love,

Tamara Woodbury
​
Some folks in Girl Scouts may feel threatened by this move. I, as a troop leader, find it curious and interesting, rather than threatening. As a troop leader, I have a special view into just how much Girl Scouts offers girls. I am beyond thrilled that I get to journey with my girls through this leadership program. I am interested to see what Boy Scouts will offer girls; what they will offer very much remains to be seen.

What I know as a troop leader is that my daughters have more opportunities than they could possibly take advantage of in a given year to earn badges and gain confidence in their skills and in themselves. Girl Scouts offers girls every opportunity I've ever heard of Boy Scouts offering boys--and then some.

On a personal note: I have lived the consequences of a male-dominated society my entire life. I was told as a girl and as a woman that I could never be a priest because Jesus, the male man-God, wouldn't have wanted it. I've been told countless times in countless ways to defer to the authority of males--in church, in the academy, in my career path, in virtually every aspect of my life. I've been taught to be silent in the face of male harrassment, abuse, and assault, lest I bring shame or humiliation unto myself. I've been boxed in to "feminine" stereotypes and roles again and again and again. But in Girl Scouts, girls aren't told what they can and can't be. We don't tell them, explicitly or implicitly, that their voices matter less than those of their male counterparts. We lift girls up to be whoever and whatever they want to be. Every time I lead a Scout meeting, every time I go to a Troop Leader meeting, I catch myself looking around in awe at the talent and interest and curiosity and leadership in the girls and women I see, uninterrupted by the casual sense of superiority/privilege that boys and men so often bring.

I think it's great that Boy Scouts are going to accept girls--because maybe those boys will figure out that girls can do anything they can do (and just as well, if not better).

As for Girl Scouts: if the Boy Scouts come up with a great idea, girls will examine it and make it even better for themselves, without asking for some boy or man's permission. Because we we are G.I.R.L. Scouts: Go-getters, Innovators, Risk-takers, Leaders.
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Hand to Hand, Mother to Daughter: Part 1 (Guest Post)

10/7/2017

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Keeley Bruner

Keeley Bruner is the mother of two daughters and a devoted, progressive member of the Disciples of Christ Church. In this three-part series, she writes of the challenge of handing on her faith in ways that mirror the best of her own religious upbringing while reflecting the ways in which her faith has matured and widened in adulthood.

Growing up in my home, faith was always a part of my life. It was woven into the fabric of our family through weekly worship services and prayer meetings, blessings before meals, bedtime stories and prayers, and frequent conversations with family members. As I got older, my involvement in church activities increased, and my own understanding of my faith and what was framed as my personal relationship with Jesus Christ grew. I remained cozy in evangelical Christianity throughout my college years, continuing to attend church, engage in daily personal Bible study and prayer, and serve through my college’s Campus Crusade for Christ ministry.

Whenever someone begins a spiritual autobiography this way, the implication is often that something then happened, that some shift occurred to change the trajectory of the expected path. And while these things did happen, I can’t trace it to a single event or even period of time. Maybe it was meeting my husband the summer before my senior year in college, a deeply intelligent and thoughtful man whose own faith had undergone significant dissembling and reassembling in the months before we met. Maybe it was traveling to Uzbekistan on a cultural exchange with my college ministry buddies and experiencing the love and hospitality of people of different, or no faith, there. Maybe it was moving to Cambridge, MA after getting married right out of college, where we experienced a definite cultural shift from our suburban Bible-Belt environment. Maybe it was hanging out with Jesuits, Franciscans, Benedictines, and other Catholics at my husband’s graduate school there, or experiencing the social activism of our Baptist church home in Cambridge. Maybe it was moving to Princeton, NJ and finding our spiritual home at a United Church of Christ congregation in the middle of that small, idyllic town, and witnessing the fire of older saints’ faith which had been forged through decades of practicing progressive Christianity. Maybe it was Obama, and the way he engaged people of all faiths to see the possibility and necessity of using government to care for the least of these. Maybe it was the work of Jim Wallis, of reading issue after issue of Sojourners and seeing the ways that Christians are jumping in and doing the real work of caring for the poor without keeping cost, without needing numbers and conversions to bolster their faith. Maybe it was experiencing pregnancy and giving birth, and realizing the magic of growing a person inside my body and nourishing a baby with my own milk, with my own life, twice. Maybe it was moving to Tempe, AZ and being pulled as if with a magnet to our faith community here, the most ragtag, loving, beautiful bunch of misfits I ever saw, with our hearts open wide to whatever, and whomever, may come through our doors.

It’s possible that the shift had something to do with the guilt of never doing enough in my previous Christian tradition, of always falling short but never fully being able to count on God to still love me or the grace of Jesus to fill the gap between who I was and who I should be. It’s possible it had to do with the bean-counting I found here and there, of how many testimonies shared and how many souls converted when the work of Christ encompassed so much more in my mind. It’s possible it had to do with the boiling down of the broad, deep, wide, incomprehensibly beautiful work of the Spirit into 4 sentences, each illustrated by pertinent cartoons. And most recently, it’s possible the final shift slipped into place with the realization that 82% of my former cohorts used their rights, and privilege, to catapult the coarse, vulgar, greedy celebrity we know as the leader of our land into power.

The fact is that it’s done, that the trajectory has been different than it might have been. While I have faith in God, love for Christ, and a kinship with the Spirit that are true, deep, and meaningful to me on a daily basis, how these are manifested departs significantly from what I might have expected based on my early life. But as I expressed above, I like to think of that conversion as a moving towards something, rather than away from something. I think of it as embracing a much larger God than I had imagined, with a much more expansive love than I had been told and a closer knowledge and presence with us than I had ever envisioned.

While my faith surely remains simply a part of my identity, another reason it matters at this point in my life is my children. Having come from where I did (mark my husband’s beginning at roughly the same place on the spectrum) and having traveled to where I am now (repeat), how do I foster a life of faith in my family in a thoughtful, genuine way? The church we attend has a small and hardy children’s ministry but, as my own mother decided, I don’t want to depend on that alone to impart the beauty of Christian faith to my daughters. I may not want them to grow up in the cradle of Evangelicalism the way I did, but there are many facets of my upbringing I certainly wish to convey to them. So, what is a Progressive Christian to do?
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    Rev. M. Kate Allen

    Thean. House church priest. Published author. Mother and wife. Vocal feminist. Faith-filled dissenter in the face of the status quo.

    I address G-d as Thea more often than not.


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