she says
softening her tone
averting her gaze
shifting her posture
willing the other to see that she means no harm
I'm sorry
she says
when she actually means
Pardon me
-or-
No, thank you
-or-
Here's what I think about it
I'm sorry
she says
when it's the other person
who screwed up, caused harm, bears blame
the other person
who offered what she doesn't need or want
the other person
who just heard her apologize for no good reason and is no longer interested
I'm sorry
she also says
on the rare occasion
when her apology
has merit
Why does she
hide behind
that simpering sorry?
Is it fitting to say sorry in a crowd that seeks her vision
rather than to say what she means?
Is it fitting to say sorry to a man in order to submit in the way she expects he expects
when young women are watching every move she makes?
Is it honest to say sorry to a challenger
rather than to speak forth the prophetic fire that blazes within her?
Why does she say
sorry, sorry, sorry
when so little of what she does
deserves her easy
self-deprecation
self-humiliation
self-abasement?
What if
she stopped
watering down
her virtue
and instead
began her day
with a strong cup of
I'm not sorry
?
(What a
HERE I AM, LORD
that would be)
~~~
The above is inspired by two people I respect who recently asked me, on separate occasions, why I say sorry when I do. I have long regarded "I'm sorry" as a gesture of hospitality in tense or difficult situations, but I am beginning to rethink that. I am grateful to my gentle adversaries for inviting me to see beyond my limited vision of what genuine hospitality might look like from a (female) leader.