Life. Love. Liturgy.
  • Gathering place
  • Thealogical Lady: A Blog
  • Books
  • Contact

Easter: Day 19

5/8/2014

0 Comments

 
My spiritual director recently invited me to make a graph of the losses I've experienced throughout my life. She invited me to mark losses as being either negative or positive (by drawing marking them below or above the timeline, respectively), and to indicate how great each loss was at the time by the length of the mark. The result of this graph is the ability to see the frequency, kinds, and impacts of my losses all at once, as well as my coping mechanisms (or lack thereof) for those losses.

I drafted my grief graph last night. I already knew intuitively that my life had been marked by loss, but it startled me to see just how much there was
. Death has been my life's companion. Major changes have been my life's normal rhythm. And deep happiness took quite a while to come along, but has been growing exponentially since it arrived. I still have a difficult time trusting deep happiness when it emerges in a new form, and given this picture of my past, it's no wonder.

What can my past losses tell me about my future? What patterns are discernible in them, and what in those patterns needs gentle, healing illumination?





0 Comments

Living Lent: Aurora Chapel

4/4/2014

2 Comments

 
I wrote recently about discovering long-buried grief while sharing sacred conversation with my spiritual director.

It is amazing to me what can dwell in darkness for years without being uncovered, and then emerge--just a little--through the act of trusting another.

Aurora, Homer described, is the rosy-fingered dawn whose light precedes the blazing dayfire of Apollo. She is the first bearer of light, strong and gentle at once. Her light is enough to disperse the darkness, but her light is not so bright that it blinds.

I would like to offer sacred space in which trust may dwell and rosy-fingered light may emerge. I invite you to make prayer requests in the Aurora Chapel for whatever dwells hidden in the depths of your heart. Early each morning, I will gather up the requests that have been made in the past day and offer intentions for them during the course of my Benedictine Canon community's prayer. All requests will be held in confidence.

What abides so deeply in your heart that you scarcely notice it?
2 Comments

Living Lent: Accepting New Light

4/2/2014

5 Comments

 
Suppose someone shines a light in your face. Do you turn from it, or do you let it illumine you for the other to see? What if the light is so bright it hurts your eyes? What if there is no light anywhere around you except that which is shining on you?

My toddler does this. She'll find our emergency LED flashlights tucked away, pull them out, turn them on, and shine them in our eyes till her daddy and I remind her not to do it, since doing that can give people ow-ies.

During spiritual direction yesterday, my spiritual director held up a lone flame to illumine part of my past that was buried deep within me--old, strong grief with old, strong power. She invited me to consider seeking therapy to work through it. My inability to withhold tears as I considered my grief confirmed that she was right.

Lent is a time for digging through one's deepest darkness--not to find new ways to bury it, but to hold it up to light and embrace it with the fierce grip of love.

Will I be able to bear the tears that come as I face this old darkness? Will I trust others to gather me up when I release both my tears and my strength to stand?
5 Comments

Spiritual Direction: For a New Beginning

1/13/2014

3 Comments

 
PicturePhoto by M. Kate Allen
I met with my new spiritual director for the first time about a week ago, and now I feel like my new spiritual dwelling has all.  It's one thing to journey forth in a community; it's another to have a holy listener dedicated to hearing your story and helping you recognize divine whispers in it.

Choosing a spiritual director who's a good fit isn't a simple endeavor--not all spiritual directors are good for all people.  Part of discerning who might be a good fit is figuring out whether the spiritual director you meet with is the sort of person you can imagine yourself either wanting to be or called to be in some respect.  My spiritual director is a female Episcopal deacon, and I have long felt called to ordained life as a female, even though my own female identity has prevented me from pursuing ordained life for my entire life as a Roman Catholic.

Meeting with someone who shares (or who can adapt to) your communication style helps as well.  If you're forthright and want to hash things out in an objective way while your spiritual director is highly sentimental, you may feel as though you're talking past your director.  Compatible communication styles help bring forth the substance of the conversation rather than serving as a barrier to it. 


That being said, meeting with someone who isn't exactly like you can sometimes be the most helpful thing of all--someone who is older (or younger), someone who's from a different faith or spiritual tradition, or someone who has had major life experiences that differ from your own may be able to lend a fresh perspective to your context.
 

For me, the most important aspect of a spiritual director is always my gut feeling about that person: Is this someone I trust?  Faith and trust are of the same root, and one can hardly develop one's faith with another if one doesn't deeply trust that other from the very beginning.

My spiritual director shared a poem with me that I had never heard before as we began our first conversation together, and it seems to me to be a perfect encapsulation of what one experiences when one is ready for a spiritual director.

In out of the way places of the heart
Where your thoughts never think to wander
This beginning has been quietly forming
Waiting until you were ready to emerge.

For a long time it has watched your desire
Feeling the emptiness grow inside you
Noticing how you willed yourself on
Still unable to leave what you had outgrown.

It watched you play with the seduction of safety
And the grey promises that sameness whispered
Heard the waves of turmoil rise and relent
Wondered would you always live like this.

Then the delight, when your courage kindled,
And out you stepped onto new ground,
Your eyes young again with energy and dream
A path of plenitude opening before you.

Though your destination is not clear
You can trust the promise of this opening;
Unfurl yourself into the grace of beginning
That is one with your life’s desire.

Awaken your spirit to adventure
Hold nothing back, learn to find ease in risk
Soon you will be home in a new rhythm
For your soul senses the world that awaits you.
                 -John O'Donohue, "For a New Beginning"
A spiritual director, or spiritual companion, is someone who bears witness to what is stretching and unfolding in the midst of your life and heart.  A spiritual director is someone who walks with you, not to guide you, but to help you name how God/dess is guiding you.
3 Comments
    Picture
    M. Kate Allen
    Weaver of words. Spinner of spirals. Midwife of the One whom I call Thea.

    ​Visit Patreon for my guided meditations, recipes inspired by my novels, Q&A video podcasts about my storytelling and creative process, and more!

    Archives

    June 2022
    May 2022
    April 2022
    March 2022
    February 2022
    January 2022
    December 2021
    October 2021
    January 2020
    December 2018
    April 2018
    January 2018
    November 2017
    October 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    February 2017
    December 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013
    July 2013
    June 2013
    May 2013
    March 2013
    February 2013
    January 2013
    December 2012
    November 2012
    October 2012
    September 2012
    August 2012
    July 2012
    June 2012
    May 2012
    March 2012
    February 2012
    January 2012

    Categories

    All
    2015
    Abide
    Absence
    Abstinence
    Abuse
    Accountability
    Aching
    Addiction
    Adoption
    Adults
    Advent
    Advent Journeying
    Adventure
    Affirmation
    Agency
    Alive
    Allegiance
    Alleluia
    All Shall Be Well
    Allusions Of Innocence
    Alms Giving
    Amdg
    Amok
    Anastasia
    Angel
    Angelus
    Anger
    Animating
    Anniversary
    Anoint
    Answer
    Anxiety
    Apology
    Apple
    April
    Arizona
    Arms
    Artist
    Ascension Day
    Ash
    Ash Wednesday
    Audience Participation
    Augustinian
    Aurora
    Authenticity
    Author
    Authority
    Autobiography
    Awareness
    Awe
    Baby
    Bad
    Baggage
    Balance
    Balm
    Baptism
    Bear One Another's Burdens
    Beauty
    Beginnings
    Behold
    Belief
    Beloved
    Beltane
    Benedictine
    Benedictine Canons
    Benedict XVI
    Benevolent
    Bible
    Bible Belt
    Birth
    Birthdays
    Bishop
    Bitterness
    Blame
    Blessing
    Blogs
    Blood
    Blossom
    Body
    Body Of Christ
    Boko Haram
    Bold
    Book Of Common Prayer
    Books
    Boundary Crossing
    Bouquet
    Boy Scouts
    Braiding Sweetgrass
    Brave
    Bravery
    Bread
    Bread Of Heaven
    Breath
    Bridge
    Bringbackourgirls
    Broken
    Brother
    Brush
    Call
    Call For Submissions
    Calm
    Camping
    Candlemas
    Candles
    Canvas
    Care
    Caryll Houselander
    Catechesis
    Center Stage
    Chanukah
    Chapbook
    Charity
    Childhood
    Children
    Chocolate
    Choices
    Chrism
    Christ
    Christian
    Christianity
    Christians
    Christmas
    Christology
    Chrysalis
    Church
    Cleaning
    Clergy
    Clericalism
    Cleveland
    Cloth
    Clothing
    Cloud
    Clover
    Cody Unterseher
    College
    Coloring
    Colors
    Community
    Community Of St. Peter
    Compassion
    Competition
    Complacency
    Confidence
    Conflict Resolution
    Connections
    Constitution
    Context
    Control
    Conversion
    Conviction
    Cool
    Corn Dog Mama
    Corporal
    Corporations
    Corruption
    Countenance
    Courage
    Covenant
    Crafty
    Creation
    Creativity
    Crimson
    Critic
    Cross
    Crucifixion
    Cultivation
    Culture
    Cup
    Cursing
    Cyril Of Jerusalem
    Dance
    Dancing
    Darkness
    Dark Night Of The Soul
    Daughters
    Dawn
    Deacon
    Deadly Sins
    Death
    Deception
    Delight
    Depression
    Desert
    Desire
    Despair
    Detachment
    Devotion
    Diamond
    Difficult
    Diocese Of Cleveland
    Dirt
    Dirty Word
    Disappointment
    Discernment
    Disciples
    Disciples Of Christ
    Disobedience
    Distress
    Ditl
    Divine Feminine
    Divinity
    Divorce
    Doll
    Dominican
    Dom Virgil Michel
    Doubt
    Drama
    Dreams
    Dry
    Dust
    Dwell
    Ears
    Earth
    Earth Day
    Easter
    Easter Friday
    Easter Monday
    Easter Saturday
    Easter Thursday
    Easter Tuesday
    Ecstasy
    Editing
    Ego
    Egypt
    Elizabeth
    Elizabeth A Hawksworth
    Embers
    Empty
    Encounter
    Endings
    Endurance
    Enemies
    Energy
    Enneagram
    Enslavement
    Enslaving
    Enveloping
    Epics
    Episcopal Church
    Eucharist
    Evening Prayer
    Event
    Evil
    Excommunication
    Exodus
    Expectation
    Exposed
    Extraordinary
    Eyes
    Face
    Facets
    Failure
    Fair Trade
    Faith
    Familiarity
    Families
    Family
    Famine
    Father
    Fear
    Feast Of St. Joseph
    Feeding
    Feet
    Feminism
    Fertile
    Fever
    Fight
    Fingers
    Fire
    First Communion
    Fish
    Flame
    Flannery O'Connor
    Flourish
    Flow
    Flowers
    Following The Path
    Food
    Footprints
    Footwashing
    Forgiveness
    Fortitude
    Fragrance
    Franciscans
    Freedom
    Friends
    Fruitful
    Full Moon
    Funeral
    Furies
    Future
    Game
    Gardening
    Garment
    Gary Dreslinski
    Gathering
    Gaudete Sunday
    Gaza Strip
    G D
    Generosity
    Generous
    Genius
    Gentleness
    Genuine
    Gift
    Girls
    Girl Scouts
    Glass
    Glass Ceiling
    Glow
    God
    Goddess
    Godmother
    Gold
    Golgotha
    Good
    Good Friday
    Goodness
    Good News
    Gospel
    Gospel According To Kate
    Gospel According To Luke
    Gospel According To Mark
    Grace
    Grandfather
    Grandmother
    Gratitude
    Green
    Grief
    Grin
    Guest Post
    Guilt
    Habit
    Haiku
    Halloween
    Hands
    Happy
    Harm
    Harmony
    Hate
    Hatred
    Healing
    Healing Through The Dark Emotions
    Health Insurance
    Healthy
    Hear
    Heart
    Heartbeats Voices Against Oppression
    Hearth
    Heart Talks With Mother God
    Heat
    Heathen
    Hen
    Henri Nouwen
    Heresy
    Hermeneutic Of Suspicion
    Hiding
    Hild
    Hildegard Of Bingen
    Historic St. Peter Church
    Hobby Lobby
    Holidays
    Holy
    Holy Land
    Holy Orders
    Holy Saturday
    Holy Week
    Homage
    Home
    Homer
    Homily
    Honesty
    Honeycomb
    Hope
    Hospice
    Hospitality
    House
    House Church
    Humanity
    Human Trafficking
    Humiliation
    Humility
    Hunger
    Husband
    Hymn
    Hypocrisy
    Icon
    Icons
    Identity
    IDF
    Idol
    Ignorance
    Illumination
    Images
    Imagine
    Imagining Argentina
    Imminent
    Importuning
    I'm Sorry
    Incarnation
    Incense
    Indifference
    Indulgences
    Injustice
    Insiders
    Insight
    Inspiration
    Instrument
    Integrity
    Intention
    Intercessions
    International Womens Day
    Interview
    Intimacy
    Intuition
    Invitatory
    Iraq
    Islam
    Israel
    Israel Loves Palestine
    Jacob
    Jealousy
    Jerusalem
    Jesuits
    Jesus
    Jewish
    Jews
    John Michael Talbot
    John The Baptist
    Joseph
    Journals
    Journey
    Joy
    Judge
    Judgment
    Julia Cameron
    Julian Of Norwich
    Justice
    Keeley Bruner
    Kenosis
    Key
    Kickstarter
    Kidnapping
    Kindness
    Kiss Of Peace
    Knock On The Door
    Knowing
    Knowledge
    Labor
    Lady
    Lady And The Tramp
    Laetare Sunday
    Lake Pleasant
    La La Loo
    Lamentation
    Lamp
    Last Supper
    Latkes
    Laughter
    Laundry
    Layer
    Leadership
    Leaving
    Lent
    Lent I
    Lent II
    Lent III
    Lent IV
    Lent V
    Letting Go
    LGBTQ
    Liberation
    Liberty
    Lies
    Life
    Lifeblood
    Life Love Liturgy The Book
    Light
    Limbs
    Limits
    Lincoln Logs
    Listening
    Litany
    Liturgical Renewal
    Liturgy
    Liturgy Of The Hours
    Living Lent
    Living Water
    Lj Idol
    Locked Rooms
    Logos
    Loss
    Love
    Lullaby
    Lumen Christi
    Magnificat
    Magnificent
    Majesty
    Man
    Mandala
    Mandate
    Mardi Gras
    Marginalized
    Marigold
    Marriage
    Martyr
    Marvel
    Mary
    Mary Magdalene
    Masterwork
    Matthew Fox
    Matzo Ball Soup
    Maundy Thursday
    Medieval
    Meditation
    Memories
    Memorization
    Memory Stands Still
    Men
    Mend
    Menorah
    Mercy
    Messiah
    Metanoia
    Michelle Lobos And The Labyrinth
    Middle East
    Midwife
    Mighty
    Milk
    Mindfulness
    Ministries
    Ministry
    Miracles
    Miriam
    Miriam Greenspan
    Mirror
    Mission
    Missionary Cenacle Volunteers
    Moist
    Mommy Blog
    Monastic
    Monsoon
    Morning Pages
    Morning Prayer
    Mother
    Mother God
    Motivation
    Mourning
    Movement
    Multi Religious
    Murder
    Murmuring
    Muse
    Music
    Muslims
    Mystagogy
    Mystery
    Names
    NaNoWriMo
    Narrative
    Navy
    Negation
    Neighbor
    News
    New Year
    Nigeria
    Night
    Night Prayer
    No
    Noach Dzmura
    Noonday Prayer
    Novel
    Novice
    Novitiate
    Nrsv
    O Antiphons
    Obedience
    O Emmanuel
    Ohio
    Olives
    Olive Trees
    Ontario
    Oppression
    Orange
    Orange Blossoms
    Order
    Ordination
    Ordo
    O Rex Gentium
    Original Sin
    Orlando
    Other
    Outsiders
    Pagan
    Pain
    Painting
    Palestine
    Pall
    Palm Fronds
    Palm Sunday
    Pancakes
    Parables
    Parents
    Parentwin
    Passion Sunday
    Passive
    Past
    Pathways Of Grace
    Patriarchy
    Pattern
    Peace
    Pelagius
    Penance
    Pentecost
    Pentecost-season
    Perfection
    Pericope
    Persecution
    Personhood
    Pet
    Pharaoh
    Philadelphia 11
    Phoenix
    Pilgrimage
    Planting
    Play
    Poetry
    Polished
    Poor
    Possibilities
    Potty Training
    Power
    Practice
    Prayer
    Prayer Book
    Preaching
    Preferences
    Pregnant
    Prejudice
    Presence
    Present
    President Barack Obama
    Prestige
    Pride
    Priesthood
    Princess Amanda
    Prison
    Privilege
    Profession
    Progressive
    Prophetic
    Prostration
    Protect
    Protest
    Psalm 1
    Psalm 10
    Psalm 100
    Psalm 105
    Psalm 106
    Psalm 107
    Psalm 109
    Psalm 116
    Psalm-130
    Psalm 139
    Psalm 144
    Psalm 23
    Psalm 24
    Psalm 25
    Psalm 26
    Psalm 51
    Psalm 68
    Psalm 78
    Psalm 79
    Psalm 94
    Psalms
    Psalter
    Public Ministry
    Published
    Pulse
    Queen
    Queendom
    Questions
    Quiet
    Radical
    Rain
    Rape
    Rape Culture
    Reading
    Realization
    Rebellion
    Reconciliation
    Red
    Reflection
    Refuge
    Rehearsal
    Rejection
    Rejoice
    Religion
    Religious Extremism
    Religious Formation
    Remember
    Repent
    Repetition
    Resentment
    Resistance
    Resolution
    Rest
    Restless
    Resurrection
    Retreat
    Reveal
    Revenge
    Review
    Rhythm
    Ritual
    Ritualizing
    Ritual Stories
    Roman Catholic
    Roman Catholicism
    Root
    Rose
    Ruach
    Rubrics
    Rule
    Sacred
    Sacred Body
    Sacred Rebels Oracle
    Sacrifice
    Salome
    Salvation
    Sapling
    Savior
    School Shooting
    Scotus
    Scripture
    Seasons Of Love
    Secret
    See
    Seed
    Seek And You Shall Find
    Self Awareness
    Self Sacrifice
    Serenity
    Servant Leader
    Shade
    Shadow
    Shekhinah
    Shelter
    Shiloh Sophia Mccloud
    Short Fiction
    Showing Up
    Sickness
    Sign
    Silence
    Silhouette
    Simplicity
    Sin
    Singing
    Sister
    Sky
    Slave Labor
    Slavery
    Sleep
    Slippery-slope
    Sloth
    Slow
    Slut Shaming
    Softball
    Softness
    Soil
    Song
    Sonoran Desert
    Sons
    Soothe
    Sophia
    Sorrow
    Sound
    Space
    Spark
    Sparkle
    Spider
    Spirit
    Spiritual
    Spiritual Companioning
    Spiritual Direction
    Spirituality
    Spirit Whispers
    Spring
    Spring Equinox
    Stability
    Stars
    St. Augustine's
    Stephen King
    Sticky Ones
    Stories
    Storm
    Strawberry Moon
    Strength
    Struggle
    Stubborn
    Stumbling
    Success
    Succulent
    Suffering
    Suffolk Mystery Authors Festival
    Suicide
    Summer
    Sun
    Sunday
    Sunset
    Support
    Surprise
    Sweetness
    Swimming
    Symbol
    Synchronicity
    Table
    Talking
    Tamara Woodbury
    Taste
    Teaching
    Tears
    Tempe
    Tenacity
    Tenebrae
    Terror
    Thanksgiving
    Thanksgivukah
    Thea
    Thea Koinonia
    Thealogical
    Thealogy
    Theanism
    Thean Psalter
    Thea Press
    Theotokos
    The Reed Of God
    Thesis
    The Way
    Thirst
    Three
    Threshold
    Thunder
    Thurible
    Time
    Tired
    Toilet
    Tomb
    Torn
    Touch
    Tradition
    Tragedy
    Transcendent
    Transform
    Transition
    Translation
    Transparency
    Tree
    Trees
    Triduum
    Troop
    Trope
    Trust
    Truth
    Turning
    Unclean
    Understanding
    Unexpected
    Unholy
    United Church Of Christ
    Unity
    Universe
    Unworthy
    Ups
    Valentine
    Value
    Vase
    Vicar
    Victim
    Victory
    Vigil
    Violet
    Vision
    Vocation
    Voice
    Voices
    Vows
    Vulnerability
    Vulnerable
    Waffles
    Walking
    War
    Water
    Weaving
    Wedding Preparation
    Weed
    Wicked
    Wife
    Wilderness
    Will
    Window
    Wine
    Wisdom
    Witchcraft
    Withdraw
    Woman At The Well
    Womb
    Women
    Wonder
    Word
    Works
    World
    Worry
    Worthy
    Wound
    Wrath
    Wreath
    Writing
    Wrongdoing
    Year Of Prayer
    Yes
    Zechariah

    RSS Feed

Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.