Thealogical Lady: A Blog

The Big Three

11/7/2012

When I was on my way to the poll last night, a last look at Facebook showed a popular Catholic musician/speaker saying that there were three major things that would define the authentic Roman Catholic vote. Commonweal confirmed this Big Three in an op-ed piece on last night's election. The Big Three were as follows:

~Voting against those who support abortion
~Voting against those who would support gay marriage
~Voting for those who would protect "religious freedom" (specifically, the ability of the Roman Catholic Church to say that any person covered by Catholic insurance would have no access to coverage for birth control or abortion procedures)

Leaving aside the third of these for the moment, I'd like to look at the first two. The claim made by at least two Roman Catholic U.S. bishops (please see the Commonweal article for direct quotes) is that abortion and gay marriage are intrinsically evil, and therefore to vote for them is to be complicit in intrinsic evil.

If you know me or any of my friends, you know well that I support LGBTQ people in their right to pursue romance and marriage with the same rights and dignity that straight couples have. To call gay marriage intrinsically evil is, I would argue, intrinsically evil.

But what of abortion?

I look at my newly pregnant belly and am literally terrified at the thought that something might go wrong. Having an abortion--in order to save my own life, for example--would be beyond devastating. It would crush me.

I am in a place of great privilege in that I am married to a wonderful, warm, loving husband who happens to be an amazing and dedicated father. Our shared income allows the coming of this second kidlet to be only a little scary financially speaking, at least for now. Even though we definitely weren't planning on having another one right now, we can without fear of our family situation falling to pieces.

Suppose I were a woman of no means, with no partner, no family, no support? Suppose I were raped, or suppose I believed in the promises of a liar and ended up pregnant and supportless?

Suppose I couldn't stand the thought of abortion, and didn't see any other way but abortion?

Or suppose I were taking birth control and it didn't work, and to be pregnant and/or to have a child would destroy my life?

Suppose it were you in desperate, unexpected, unwanted circumstances, and you had to make a choice like this.

I invite you, in your considered opinion, according to your well-developed conscience, to answer the following question:

The Roman Catholic bishops, not one of whom will ever have to face pregnancy, have laid out their opinions forcefully. Abortion is intrinsically evil--it can never be of or for good, in other words.

But I want to hear from those of you who have faced or may in the future face pregnancy, either as a woman or as the partner of one. Is abortion always and in every case a grave evil? Is abortion ever a grave evil?

I will post more on my thoughts on the issue after you all have had a chance to respond. If you would like to add more, either by name or anonymously, feel free to post in the comments below.

(Of course, please note that any form of malicious, bullying, or otherwise inappropriate commentary will be deleted immediately. Bullies have no welcome here.)

4 Comments

John C.

11/7/2012 04:56:56 am

In the words of my father-in-law, who I agree with, abortion should be universally available and socially unnecessary. Despite the RCC's opinions, no other group to my knowledge has gone as far as they have to support their position by taking care of the mothers and babies already here. Catholic Charities, at least where I am, and even in conservative parts of NY, is extremely professional when it comes to being evenhanded with the beliefs of others, and quite diligent in their work.

I am anti-abortion and pro-choice. From a theological point of view, I let this be a matter of one's own conscience. God knows our condition and the reasons behind the choices we make. I don't think very many women consider abortion to be an after-the-fact form of birth control, of the sort where one decides they're going to skip out on the pill or using a condom and if pregnancy occurs just deal with it that way. If someone is handling themselves and the care of others so callously I think there will be some sort of reckoning for this.

But that's not my place to say. What I can say is I see a lot of pressure on women to terminane viable pregnancies, for a lot of disgusting reasons. There's no shortage of abusive male partners coercing women into aborting wanted children, nor doctors suggesting terminating a pregnancy even on the chance of a birth defect, nor people in general suggesting it to mothers with any form of disability. That's not even going into the issues racial minorities face on the subject! The ready availability of abortion is creating its own social problems, but I think they are outweighed by what would happen if it were not legal and widely available.

My wife looks at abortion as a harm reduction option, with the presumption that a woman must be trusted to know best with the assistance of competent and sensitive medical personnel. But on a moral standpoint, is it good, evil, or somewhere in between? That depends on the individual. I cannot know the heart of another person, nor would I presume to. I think some abortions are completely justified and others may be less so, and for lots of reasons. This is nowhere near as cut and dry as a lot of people seem to think it is.

kdh

11/7/2012 05:40:24 am

I know that if my mother had not had two abortions before I was born, I would never have been born. She would have had those children, and then never moved to the country where I was born, met my father, or given birth to me or my siblings. So it is difficult for me to argue against abortion as a matter of principle.

Before I had two children, I believed that women should have the right to abortion, but I would never personally use it. After having two children, I know that a third child would most likely cause me to descend into a likely-fatal post-partum depression. I am simply not emotionally equipped to handle three children. This is the way God made me. However, it is also incumbent on me to do my utmost to prevent another pregnancy.

Finally, I think the term abortion is wielded by many to their own ends. When do we think that life begins? What exactly do we mean by life? Can we quantify it? How do we weight the qualitative aspects of life versus life? My own faith is that God has called us to have life abundant, and that when we are called to suffering, it is not to needless or pointless suffering. For some women, pregnancy and child-rearing would lead to needless and pointless suffering. I think particularly of the cases of child abuse where the children are living in families with several children. Can we honestly say with integrity that this is the life God has called them to? Would it not have been better for the pregnancy to be terminated early on than for them to live and die under their parents' hands?
Anyway, those are some of my thoughts. Fuzzy, vague, and not very coherent. :)

Katie (unmowngrass)

11/7/2012 07:48:08 am

I don't think abortion was God's idea. I think He weeps over every single one, and I think the church should too. On the other hand, I do believe that the victims of abortion will go straight to Heaven and get to be with God whilst the rest of us have to suffer through sins and struggles down here; in that sense, I don't think the child ~loses~, per sae. (See David's comments re: the baby he had with Bathseba that then died.)

But, I don't think any woman, even she says differently out loud, will ever look back on an abortion and say "that was the best decision I ever made." And who hasn't made a bad decision that they've later regretted? I especially know that I personally do not make the best decisions I've ever made when I feel alone, misunderstood, isolated, scared, frantic with worry, guilty (there will always be some guilt even for thinking about it), with no one to confide in, on very little sleep (perhaps), or under time pressure, let alone all of the above put together.

I also don't know the audience of your blog -- I don't know how many women who have terminated a pregnancy are part of your regular readership or who are wandering past right now or in the future. I very rarely know the deepest secrets of the entire audience I am speaking to; stories that matter and should be told with honour, as everybody's does. So, who am I to make any kind of blanket statement like "abortion is always bad"?

It's also entirely possible that abortion would be legal but never actually used, so on that note, I don't actually understand why people approach this from the legal angle...

I am for compassion for women, and I am for standing with them and weeping alongside them, for all the unborn, however that arises.

But as a woman who has never (yet?) been pregnant, do I really get a say in this matter?

(On a tangential note, I am not for "not your body, not your decision"; I am more for "not your ~child~, not your decision"; I have looked into the face of a man whose girlfriend was aborting his (much desired) baby against his wishes, and there are no words for that.)

MamaCheshire

11/7/2012 08:15:46 am

Writing this while trying to unstick my brain on really annoying stats homework, so bear with me.

My mom is a single-issue pro-choice voter and very often treats access to abortion as if it's the only thing that matters (despite the fact that she chose to carry to term when she found herself unintentionally pregnant with me). I used to be right there with her.

Then, things got more complicated, because two things happened.

First, I had a contraceptive failure, and about a month after the "wait, WTF, I'm pregnant, what am I supposed to do now?" initial reaction, the baby had a name and two devoted parents looking forward to this change - and I had a subchorionic bleed, which to my inexperienced eyes looked like a miscarriage. And we were heartbroken like NOTHING else, and overjoyed when tiny Alex showed up on the ultrasound screen looking for all the world like she was waving hello! I said even at the time that I had never understood the anti-abortion perspective until that moment.

And then I got involved in disability rights, and well...that complicates things still further.

What I've noticed is that there is a lot, A LOT, of pressure on pregnant women in certain circumstances to end their pregnancies. Even when they don't want to. And the garden variety pro-choice voter either can't or won't admit that this is a thing that happens here in the United States. And NO THAT IS NOT OKAY.

As my spouse correctly said above, I see abortion as a form of harm reduction. I'm not "for" it, per se, but I absolutely understand that it needs to be here and available in a legal fashion, because the consequences of not are just too horrific.

I am for creating a genuine culture of life, one that values children after they are born, and one that values women and men after they are no longer children. And I don't want to massively tealdeer your comment space, so I'll just make an unexpanded list of what is included in that, and provide expansion if it's wanted:

- Medically accurate sex education and contraceptive information.
- Continued development and availability of multiple forms of contraception that are safe, effective, inexpensive, simple to use, and easily concealed when needed.
- Allowing adult women (and men, but this seems to be less of a problem) who know they don't want kids to access permanent sterilization.
- Providing medically accurate non-scare-tactic information about what "non-reassuring" prenatal test results actually mean (don't GET me started).
- Getting providers to stop telling larger ladies like myself that they're so fat fat fat that they will die die die if someone manages to knock them up. (YES this is a thing, and it's horrible.)
- Mending the gaping holes in the social safety net, such that no woman has to choose between carrying a new child to term and caring for the children she has.
- Providing REAL alternatives for minors who fear discovery of their pregnancy.
- Various things about dealing more effectively with domestic violence.
- Placing value on the real thing that is parenthood, not on the cutesy idealized versions of motherhood that mostly don't exist.
- Etc.

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